Some “Fun Senior Stories & Jokes” From Ruth Myer
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they
get older then it dawned on me...they were cramming for their finals.
You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop
laughing.
Remember.......Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the
heck happened!
Now this I think we can relate to:
There's nothing the matter with me, I'm just as healthy as can be,
I have arthritis in both knees, and when I talk, I talk with a wheeze.
My pulse is weak, my blood is thin, but I'm awfully well for the shape I'm in.
All my teeth have had to come out, and my diet I hate to think about.
I'm overweight and I can't get thin, but I'm awfully well for the shape I'm in.
And arch supports I need for my feet. Or I wouldn't be able to go out in the street
Sleep is denied me night after night, but every morning I find I'm all right.
My memory's failing, my head's in a spin. But I'm awfully well for the shape I'm in.
Old age is golden =96 I've heard it said, but sometimes I wonder, as I go to bed.
With my ears in a drawer, my teeth in a cup, and my glasses on a shelf, until I get up.
And when sleep dims my eyes, I say to myself, is there anything else I should lay on the shelf?
The reason I know my Youth has been spent, is my get-up-and-go has far-up-and-went!
But really I don't mind, when I think with a grin, of all the places my get-up has been.
I get up each morning and dust off my wits, pick up the paper and read the obits.
If my name is missing, I'm therefore not dead, so I eat a good breakfast and jump back into bed.
The moral of this as the tale unfolds, is that for you and me, who are growing old.
It is better to say "I'm fine" with a grin, than to let people know the shape we are in.
Have you heard the HYMNS FOR THE OVER-50 CROWD?
1) Precious Lord, Take My Hand, And Help Me Up
2) It Is Well with My Soul, But My Knees Hurt
3) Nobody Knows the Trouble I Have Seeing
4) Just a Slower Walk with Thee
5) Count Your Many Birthdays, Name Them One by One
6) Go Tell It on the Mountain, But Speak Up
7) Give Me the Old Timers' Religion
8) Blessed Insurance
9) Guide Me O Thou Great Jehovah, I've Forgotten Where I Parked
THE
PERKS OF BEING OVER 50
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released
first.
3. No one expects you to run into a burning building.
4. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat dinner at 4 PM.
9. You can live without sex but not without glasses.
10. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
12. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge
14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who
walks into the room.
15. You sing along with elevator music.
16. Your eyes won't get much worse.
17. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning
to pay off.
18. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the
national weather service.
19. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they
can't remember them either.
20. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a
manageable size.
My
Latest Physical!! Oh Me!!!
Thought I'd let my doctor check me cause I didn't feel quite right. . .
All those aches and pains annoyed me and I couldn't sleep at night.
He could find no real disorder but he wouldn't let it rest
What with Medicare and Blue Cross, we would do a couple tests.
To the hospital he sent me though I didn't feel that bad,
He arranged for them to give me every test that could be had.
I was fluoroscoped and cystoscoped, my aging frame displayed
Stripped on an ice cold table while my gizzards were x-rayed.
I was checked for worms and parasites, for fungus and the crud,
While they pierced me with long needles taking samples of my blood.
Doctors came to check me over, probed and pushed and poked around,
And to make sure I was living they then wired me for sound.
They have finally concluded (Their results have filled a page)
What I have will someday kill me…my affliction is OLD AGE.
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